Monthly Archives: January 2018

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Self-Esteem and Aging

Some losses are inevitable with age. Self-esteem doesn't have to be one of them.

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Life is like a conveyor belt. We get on at birth, and ride it until we die. The belt takes us through many rooms, often filled with wonderful adventures, and sometimes with Aging with a positive self-esteemheartache. As we move forward, we have many opportunities for purpose, relationship and meaning. Hopefully, we use those opportunities to enrich life for others and for ourselves.

 

But one thing is certain for every person. Regardless of who you are, the belt keeps moving.  Try as we may, we cannot stop the belt, or even slow it down. Before we know it, we find ourselves further down the path than we ever imagined, and wonder how we got here. We gradually move from youth to old age. The only way to avoid growing old is to die young.

 

As we grow older, we encounter many changes which can negatively impact self-esteem or self-worth. We’ll examine two potential factors.

 

  1. Changes in physical appearance: Wouldn’t it be nice to have the money spent each year by people trying to look younger? From anti-aging creams to hair dye to Botox and face lifts, we try to buy back time. If our self-esteem is too closely tied to a youthful appearance, we’re in trouble. Wrinkles form, skin sags and hair turns gray. To maintain self-esteem, we have to accept that such changes are inevitable. More importantly, these outward signs are the badge of honor of successfully living a long time.

 

  1. Changes in physical functioning: Try as we may, we just can’t do the things we used to do. With aging, we have to adjust to changes in vision, hearing, physical strength and stamina. We have more aches and pains, and less energy. If our self-esteem or self-worth is too closely tied to our physical functioning, we’re also in trouble. Who you are is not defined by what you can do. Think of an older adult you have loved. Was their worth defined by what they could do physically? Did their poor vision impact how you saw them? Did their decreased energy make you grow tired of them? No. You loved them for who they were, not for what they could do. You valued them because they had added value to your life.

 

To maintain a healthy self-esteem as we age, we have to remember that our worth is defined by who we are, not by what our bodies can do or how they look. Old age means you survived more years. You are more experienced. Because of those years of experience, you have a richer perspective. Wrinkles can bring wisdom. You know things now that you didn’t know in youth. Try to find ways to use that experience, perspective and wisdom to add value to someone’s life. That just may be your purpose on this end of the conveyor belt.

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How Much Do You Want It?

There is a big difference between wishing for something, and deciding to make it happen.

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I like to collect psychologist jokes. They help me to not take myself too seriously. Here ismotivation to reach your goals. my favorite psychologist joke. Question: “How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?” Answer: “Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.”

 

I like the joke because it is so true. I learned a long time ago that I can’t help someone change unless they really want to change. Even with the right motivation, it is hard, but without it, it is impossible.

 

A new year brings thoughts of change, starting over, and resolutions. We may want to stop some bad habit, or start some new one. We may want to change our job, our house or our relationships. We may want it, but is that enough?

 

There is a huge difference between wishing or wanting something, and deciding to make it happen. Many people wish for a better job, more education, better health habits or improved relationships, but a smaller number are determined enough or motivated enough to put in the hard work to make it happen.

 

After all these years, I can still hear my high school football coach asserting that the game would be won by the team that wanted it the most. He was usually right. High school athletic talent is usually fairly evenly distributed, so performance differences can usually be attributed to the player’s motivation and willingness to work.

 

The research is now fairly well-known that showed that mastery of any task or skill takes about 10,000 hours of practice. That’s a lot of hours. That’s also a lot of dedication, determination and motivation.

 

I recently heard the following from a business consultant. “If you want to make something happen, you figure out the necessary cost, and then you pay it.” You do what needs to be done. You don’t have to do it all at one time. You will often take baby steps, and sometimes you may not be able to see progress, but with absolute determination and persistence, you will get there.

 

A student once asked Socrates how to get to Mount Olympus. The question was more spiritual than geographic, since the ancient Greeks believed that Mount Olympus was the home of the gods. Socrates’ response was simple, “Make sure every step you take is in that direction.”

 

Every step we take either takes us toward or away from our goals. The steps can be small, but if taken in the right direction, they will get us to our goals.

 

So, in this new year, remember the importance of proper motivation and dedication in the pursuit of your goals. If the goal is good, right and worthwhile, it is worth the effort to make it happen. Change can happen, if you really want it.