It’s not what you look at that matters. It’s what you see. Henry David Thoreau

Ever notice how you can look in the mirror one day and think that you don’t look that bad, and the next day look in the same mirror and think you look awful? It’s the same mirror. It’s essentially the same you. The difference between day one and day two isn’t your appearance. It’s your attitude toward yourself.

Your core beliefs, mood and mindset determine your perspective, and that perspective influences your perception. This is true whether you are looking at yourself or your world. Perspective determines what you notice and how you interpret what you see.

Think about those times when you have heard someone, you considered to be very attractive, criticize her appearance. You probably dismissed the self-critical comment as an effort to solicit a compliment or a statement the person actually didn’t believe. You probably argued with the comment, but thought little about it. Consider the possibility that the person really did believe the criticism, and that the statement actually reflected how the person saw herself. Her vision in the mirror was distorted by her negative self-beliefs.

Now, think about the times when you have made a self-critical comment about your own appearance, and a friend argued with your statement. You assumed that their argument was an effort to be kind, and the they actually saw the same defect that you saw. You immediately dismissed the friend’s argument as untruthful or inaccurate. What if the friend was right? What if your perception was the one that was distorted? What if your negative self-beliefs, or your perspective, altered your perception or yourself.

The same process occurs in other areas. Talk to the audience after a debate and you’ll hear proponents of both sides applaud their candidates performance, asserting their side’s victory in the debate. They heard what they wanted to hear, and they heard what they were prepared to hear.

Try to become more aware of your perspective of yourself. In particular, notice the thoughts, interpretations and perceptions that cause you pain or make your life more difficult. Allow yourself to question the validity of those negative perceptions. Was your perspective distorted by earlier negative events? Could you be seeing yourself, your life events, your relationships and your future inaccurately? Could your perspective be wrong? The first step toward changing a negative perspective is awareness. Once you identify a negative, self-destructive perspective, you can begin the day-to-day process of monitoring your thinking and reminding yourself of the truth.

Question: What prior beliefs about yourself have you been able to identify and change for the better? What perceptions would you like to change about yourself?