Welcome to “Your Core Value.” My name is Terry L. Ledford, Ph.D. and I’m writing this blog to provide information about the causes of self-esteem wounds and the tools you can use to heal those wounds. My hope is that this blog can stimulate an online community of individuals who are passionate about helping themselves, those they love and even those they will never meet improve their self-esteem.
Once each week, I will provide articles about self-esteem issues and ideas for correcting negative self-beliefs. I will end each article with a question for readers. Hopefully, you will respond to those questions with feedback, a technique that has been helpful for you or an idea to help others. Readers can then respond to other readers so we have a conversation, not just a monologue.
Many of the ideas I provide will be based on my recent book, “Parables for a Wounded Heart: Overcoming the Wounds to Your Self-Esteem and Transforming Your Perception of You.” Of course, I will be gathering new information as we go along and sharing that as well. I see this as an ongoing process. The direction of the community will depend on you as much as me. I know that I don’t have all the answers and look forward to your feedback.
We’ll cover this in much more detail later, but here is my basic premise about the origins of self-esteem wounds:
Children are not born with a negative or positive self-esteem. However, from the time they realize that they are beings, separate from the world, they begin looking for answers to the question, “Who am I?” They look to the reactions of their parents and other family members first. Then they look at the reactions they receive from teachers, other children and others. When children experience criticism, rejection or abuse, they conclude that there is something wrong with them that somehow warranted those experiences. They come to believe that they are inadequate, unimportant or defective. They believe that it must be their fault. Without intervention, these negative self-beliefs follow the child into adulthood and through the rest of their life.
These learned self-beliefs can be seen in the intelligent person who believes he is stupid or the kind, loveable person who believes that she is unimportant. The beliefs are also seen in the sexually abused child who believes the abuse was her fault. Without question, we know that these beliefs are wrong in others, but often fail to apply that knowledge to ourselves.
Question #1: What do you believe is the impact of low self-esteem or self-esteem wounds in our society? You can leave your comments by clicking here.
I believe one of the impacts is that people are unlikely to believe or realize that God can do great things through them to help others, to bring glory to His Name, to reach others in sharing the Good News of Jesus Christ. If you have low self esteem, you tend to believe that you are useless.
I agree. I’ve seen many people who feel they can’t get close to God because of their perceived inadequacy or defectivness.
What continues to amaze me is the power the “triggers” have. You are doing fine for a while and then one trigger happens and you feel as if you are back at square one. I even “know” what will happen because of the trigger and still feel powerless to stop it.
It is amazing how quickly our thinking can “go south.” One negative event (and that can include a thought) can start us down a path of negative self-talk and, before we know it, we’re in a funk. The speed of this process is the reason it is important to catch our negative thought patterns as quickly as possible. In the beginning, we have to monitor our thoughts throughout the day. It gets easier with more practice.
I still am amazed by the power the “triggers” have. Even though I know what my triggers are and it seems that I am doing just great… then a trigger happens and I am back at square one.
I think thats the reason persistence is so important in changing our negative self-beliefs.
I believe these conditions inhibit individuals to take chances, spread their wings, empower their confidence and limit so many possibilities life can offer. Doors of opportunity are left unopened and the impact of frustration on the individual as well as those they love/interact with can be heart-rending & often contagious to others. Do you think that low self esteem can often be ‘caught’ by the next generation who, in turn, may have their ‘wings clipped’?
In a society that is so fast paced & bent on success it is easy for those with self esteem issues to be run over or passed by. You teach the importance of pushing through those negative feelings with perseverance and I believe when doing so, sharing that experience with others is important…to show that wounded hearts can be healed. When it would be so easy to crawl inside myself I am encouraged to show my own child how overcoming these ‘wounds’ and self-doubts can lead to a strong, healthy, happy life where so many future regrets can be wiped away before the ’cause’ takes hold in the present. I have learned that we are part of a much bigger picture…someone is always watching…and you do influence those around you…whether you are a parent, child, friend, sibling, co-worker, etc. By persistently ‘breaking through the shell’ of self esteem issues/wounds you not only empower yourself, you help to empower others to ‘take flight’ as well.
As I have sat and read over the posts and the comments the thing that really stood out to me was how early self esteem is affected in almost everyone. At that moment I thought to myself how wonderful would it be to do something at that early point to help kids fight negitive self-esteem. I remember school as being incredibly difficult on an emotional level. For example how many people remember P.E.. Do you remember playing sports and when it came time to pick teams who was picked last. Well of course someone has to be last, but if you were ever one to be in that situation you know the feelings and the thoughts that go through you. And I’m sure someone will argue thats what school counselors are for. Well ask yourself if you felt inadequate, or that no one cared would you really even think of seeing the counselor.
yea,the impact of low-self opinion in our society 2day is on the negative.it is actually lik a parasite that feeds sorely on our self-confidence & high self-esteem,thereby compelling us 2 believe that we are inadequate & non-essential 2 the society.whn the believ of inadequacy dominant our thought,our internal chat & unconscious reasons becomes poisoned with all sorts of negativities.funniest enough low-esteem affects both the wise,intelligent,educated,skilled & unskilled,to some socially etc