Someone asked me yesterday how self-esteem will be affected by areas of genuine weakness. If you are like me, you have some things you don’t do well; areas where you aren’t talented or particularly competent. Does recognizing your true weaknesses indicate that you don’t have a good self-esteem, or does doing so harm your self-esteem?

Of course, everyone has weaknesses. We all have things we do poorly; areas where our skills are inferior to others. It’s just reality.

For example, I’m a really poor speller. When I was teaching at university level, I had to think ahead as I wrote on the board. If I couldn’t recall how to spell a word that I was about to write, I came up with a different word. Occasionally, however, my efforts failed and I misspelled a word during a lecture. My students seemed to take pleasure in pointing out my mistake, but it really didn’t bother me. I would just correct the word, sometimes joke about the mistake, and go on. I readily admitted that I was a poor speller. Thank goodness we now have spellcheck. Now, hopefully someone will develop spellcheck for classroom boards.

Your self-esteem isn’t injured by your weaknesses or mistakes, but it can be wounded by your reactions to them. Reacting to the recognition of a weakness or the discovery of a mistake with thoughts such as, “I can’t do anything right” or “I feel mortified that I made that mistake” or “They think I’m stupid” can lower the self-esteem.

Assuming that others are judging you or criticizing you for your mistakes or weaknesses can also hurt your self-esteem. Those with self-esteem wounds feel ashamed or embarrassed by mistakes seen by others, in that they believe others are thinking they are failures, stupid or losers.

Having a positive self-esteem enables you to accept the fact that, as a human being, you do have strengths and weaknesses. Like all other humans, you have weaknesses. You can’t be good at everything.

Whenever we begin a new task, one that we have never attempted, we begin with incompetence. We don’t know what we’re doing. We haven’t developed the skill. A positive self-esteem allows you to accept the fact that you will not be good at any task in the beginning. When you try something for the first time, you will probably do it poorly. You may continue to perform poorly the first few times you do it. In the beginning, you will be incompetent. This is normal. You need to embrace your incompetency. Enjoy the process of learning something new. Have fun with yourself, as you learn. To become a master at anything, you must be able to tolerate your early incompetence. Accept it. Embrace it as your first step toward mastery. Enjoy the journey!

Question: How do you embrace your incompetence?